Many times when we find ourselves easily frustrated it is because we are already in a state of frustration with our partner. We are more likely at these times to be emotionally reactive and to engage or even encourage conflict, which might be our way of encouraging connection (even though it is negative) with our partner.
Here are a few steps one can take when you feel emotionally reactive:
1. Write the issue that is frustrating you on a note card and put it on your dresser. Revisit the issue on the note card a few hours later and determine if it is still important enough to discuss.
2. Often times we react more to what we assume our partners intent is rather than what they really might be intending. Talk to your partner and communicate, "right now I am feeling_________because you said________which made me think that you meant_______________. Am I right? Most likely your partner will say "no" and provide an alternate explanation. Here, you have chosen not to emotionally react but rather to communicate with your partner how their response made you feel and what you interpret to be the meaning behind what they shared.
Allow your partner the opportunity to care for how you feel and assert yourself so that you feel heard and understood. Try to think the best of your partner, as you want them to think the same of you. Most times couples simply want one another to be kind. If you have this need, it is likely your partner does too.